If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
