been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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