my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
