Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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