Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
