She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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