i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize