you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
