first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
