your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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