I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
