If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
