I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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