i barfeds in our rink
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
