he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
