Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
