I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
