At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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