Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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