I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your penis caused this!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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