he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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