i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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