Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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