John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
