How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
