When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
