Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
