You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
