I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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