2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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