Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize