We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
