well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
