its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
