so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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