so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
