About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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