Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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