she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
