When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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