whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
