How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
