I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just fell off a train. Bad.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
