I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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