I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
