oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
