just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
