we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
