new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
