I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How does it feel to date your dad?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
