My cat gives me a boner
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
