I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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