I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
