how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
