nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
