i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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