We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
