Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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