i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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