You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
