The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
