Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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