I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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