sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
