Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
