i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
