Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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