Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
