I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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