i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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