life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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