I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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