i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
