I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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