I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Randomize
