We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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