have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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