If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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