Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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