the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
