why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
why do cheetos always look like penises
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
