Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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